Doing Life with Your Adult Children: Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out

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I am having a challenging time with my adult daughter who has 3 children 4 and under. I do help her as much as i can however she and I are both resentful with each other. Lately I’ve wondered if adult children sense we need them and they don’t need us and painful ouch don’t want us or the thought of having to be around for us? But they don’t consciously face this? They rant, evade with blame and smokescreen us basically to force a distance hoping we will go away. Or they yell rudely to make us go away. But we still can’t condone obviously bad treatment or accept blame that’s not ours when accusations aren’t even factually accurate! Independence is the goal. This means adult children take full responsibility for their finances, actions, relationships, and growth and development. Speak words of grace. Leave loving messages without advice. Text positive statements. Cheer them on. Reflect grace of God.

If your children are still teenagers, the successful launch into adulthood starts even now. Here, Amy White, MBA and creator of theDaily Successful Living Blog, shares what worked for her and her husband as their three teens (who are now 20-somethings) transitioned into adulthood: In the introduction, the author mentioned that his nine principles were discovered and refined with his own adult children, which makes the engineer in me cringe a little and say that his sample-size for these recommendations was very small. n=3 adult children

This is where I'm at in my life. My kids are now adults. One has a family of his own in a little apartment not too far from his childhood home. The other still lives at home while he completes his college degree. They both have significant others and the oldest has blessed me with my first grandchild. This book was written by a white, wealthy Christian boomer for other white, wealthy Christian boomers who do American things like 'paying for college', talking at length about 'living by biblical money management and stewardship principles' and having existential crises when their children do things like 'cohabitation' and 'promiscuity'. It encourages parents to reconnect with their adult children by paying for their wedding, doing grandparenting, listening and 'being fun' so that they can happily put off interrogating any of the common reasons their millennial children are avoiding them (homo/transphobia, supporting Trump, being racist).

Your diaper-changing and chauffeuring days are over. Whether you feel relieved or conflicted about this change, it’s time to embrace your adult child’s independence and enjoy a new phase of parenthood; there are different ways for parenting adult children. Here are eight ways to grow a healthy relationship with your adult children and how to parent adult children in their 20s and beyond: Great insights and advice! I think this is particularly helpful for those with children navigating into young adulthood, but anyone with adult children could use it. However, after she met her current fiance we have constantly fought and I really felt that she turned away from me. I realize that she loves her fiance and I really have tried to get along with him. I really feel that my daughter loves me but is abusive towards me.

Don't make it about you; make it about the health of the relationship." Well, the first part of this I'd unreservedly agree with. Good parenting is never "all about" the parent. But sometimes there are more important goals than the health of the relationship. I can understand turning that phrase on its head and preserving relationship to preserve influence for the more important things over time. But sometimes there are more important things than being well liked.